Sunday, November 13, 2011

Being Best-Friendless-Forever?

I have zero girl friends (that aren't kin).

I think about this from time to time & wonder if it's healthy.
Do I need to have a non-related woman in my life to share my thoughts/problems/humor/affection/leisure/emotions/life with? Do I have a innate need to be there (in these same respects) for her in return?
Is that not what best friends are for?

...So, why don't I have any girl friends?
Growing up I had a few; but, as it often goes, we grew up & lost contact.
I've never been a "phone person", and I guess they weren't either.

Not too long ago, I was surprised that one of them reached out to contact me through someone else, but I never called her. It's been a long, long, long time since I've seen her.
I worried that she'd be different.
Hell...I'm different, aren't I?

What am I saying?...

Do I want girl friends?
Yes & no (both for completely selfish reasons). And...that is why I don't think I should be anyones friend.

Sometimes I think it'd be cool to have someone to go coffee shops with, shopping, girls-night-out...and to occasionally have another woman's perspective on life.

And yet, I don't want the problems/emotions/drama that sometimes comes with friendship. That stuff is draining.

I admire BFF's who grew up with each other & have great relationships. It's a lot harder to make true friends when you're already grown; you just never really know people, you know?...

I have very mixed emotions about this subject.
On one hand, I'm content & happy. On the other, I wonder.

If you've been here awhile, then you prob. already know that I actually have a Best-Friend-Forever. He is all kinds of wonderful:)



At November 13, 2011 at 7:03 PM , Blogger Shakemia Meekyleia said...

I think about this topic all the time. I have had maybe 3 best friends over time in my life and at this point only one of them are still in my life. It's a draining situation when you and a friend fall out or can't see eye to eye in life because you both are at 2 different places so I can understand where the yes/no could come into play.

I love your blog by the way! xoxo

At November 13, 2011 at 7:43 PM , Blogger Neeta said...

Hi Marie! I really like this post! I don't have many women in my family that are close to my age...we have a bunch of guys in our family, so I've always made friends outside of my family. I am closer to my friends than most of my family members. I must say that I have gone through the drama and wouldn't wish it on anyone. As you get older though, you find peace in knowing you have made friends and continued that relationship with the people who matter most to you. You both learn to value the friendship equally. You learn over time who your true friends are and cut the ones who aren't your friends loose. Although you may disagree with each other, as friends, you respect each others opinions.

I would consider my Mom and Husband to be my best friends. They are my everything. I am also blessed with really good friends who I wouldn't trade for the world. These women are very supportive and I love them like they are family.

At November 14, 2011 at 10:25 AM , Blogger LaNeshe said...

I have a group of girlfriends, but I wouldn't say any of them are my BFF. I've had a variety of best friends over the years, but find myself without one now. I do sometimes wish I had that one person outside my husband that I could chat with on the phone and make sporadic plans with.

At November 14, 2011 at 6:30 PM , Blogger Just Daisy said...

I have a group of girlfriends and I'll be honest we have our share of term oil and muddied situations but when we all push those petty things aside we're united and it feels good.

But I have two BFFL's (Best Friend For Life). My boyfriend and my best friend of almost 10 years.
Nothing gets as solid as the friendship we share.


At November 15, 2011 at 1:29 PM , Anonymous justme said...

I think the same way you do, however, I do think they are necessary. I also think that since we are older, we can trust our instinct about people, thereby eliminating the "draining" type of friendships we had when we were younger. You just have to be true to yourself and not be obligated to do or feel a way that is not your true self.

I am not a good friend by definition either. I don't talk on the phone much. I will hang out, but only if I am feeling it. I don't really gossip much. But when I am there, I am very loyal, sincere, a good listener, and would pretty much do anything for you.

A friend fit for you would accept you as you are so you maybe would not feel bound by traditional rules of what a friend should be. I have a woman I have known for over 10yrs and one that I have known for maybe 7. We are not traditional friends, but we can pick up and be there for eachother even if we don't speak for years (yes, years) on end. We accept that we aren't gonna email and talk all the time and we don't get butt hurt or slighted because of it. It is what it is. But on big moments in our life, we are usually there.

Then I think about high school friends. With the exception of light conversation. As much as I thought I was close with those very few women, there are none of them that I miss or want to hang out with. I know now that we were different even then when I was too young to know myself, and I don't feel bad about it. I got the email, the are you coming to the high school reunion, the facebook, blah blah blah. Call me sometime. Not interested. Not now and probably not ever again. You know a reason, a season, a lifetime (i think, may have it wrong).

As I get older, I do think it is important to have your "friend fit". Someone to maybe touch base with every month or so to just hang out with. I dread "hanging out", but every time I do, I feel better. I don't know why. They are associates more than friends, but that's how you make friends right....

As we get older, life changes and I wish I had that female that was closer so we could bitch over coffee (but tell eachother when we are wrong), or take a girls trip, have a marriage mentor with someone healthy, talk about women only issues with someone not family, etc. Men are so much better at diversifying their "friend" pool than we are"

I would be your friend, we are alike but different enough to not be bored, LOL.

good topic

*now i am going to copy before I post in case this gets lost*

At November 16, 2011 at 1:07 AM , Blogger MerelyMarie said...

I'm so glad you ladies understand where I was coming from on this one. I enjoyed reading your personal experiences with this & all the words of wisdom! Thanks for sharing with me:)

Thanks Shakemia:)
Neeta: It's so cool that you have friends that are like family.
LaNeshe: I'm with you on that wish.
Daisy: BFFL's...that's awesome!
Justme: I'm so glad you copied:) LOL Will inbox you soon.

At November 17, 2011 at 11:02 AM , Anonymous Li said...

I know this post is really late and I'm new to to this sie...but I relly like this post! I was just thinking about these three girls from high school I thought were my best friends and after some years have past I know now it is better off without them in my life; they were toxic and somewhat negative even. But, I am thankful to have a few really good female friends that are genuine, supportive and postive people. It takes time to sift through who are your "real" friends and be content with the lesser number of friends you have now compared to when you were younger.

At December 12, 2011 at 11:00 AM , Blogger MerelyMarie said...

Li: I'm late in response! LOL It's never too late to message here. I appreciate your thoughts on this.

At December 16, 2011 at 11:20 AM , Anonymous marcy said...

I like this post. Honestly, I dont feel it is necessary to have a best friend. For me, just having genuine people in my corner whether they are my family, child hood friends, mentors, or co-workers is sufficient. I just want good to people.

At December 17, 2011 at 12:57 AM , Blogger MerelyMarie said...

Thanks Marcy:) "Genuine people in my corner"...I like the sound of that!


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